Narcissistic Abuse
...and how to survive it
The word narcissist is thrown around liberally these days, so much so the term often seems meaningless. Sadly, this means the real devastation of narcissistic abuse is often overlooked or diminished. If you are in a high-coercive relationship, this can be an extremely volatile and precarious place. It is extremely difficult to navigate. Professional guidance is essential.
What is narcissism?
Narcissism is a personality trait characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. While a healthy level of self-focus is natural, in its extreme form - such as in Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) - narcissism manifests as manipulative, exploitative, and often abusive behaviours toward others. They can be any age and any gender. Narcissists seek constant validation, struggle with criticism, and have difficulty maintaining healthy relationships due to their need for control and superiority.
However, not all narcissistic traits are harmful, as some degree of self-importance is essential for self-care and survival - we all have aspects of narcissism within us, such as confidence, competitiveness and determination to succeed.
What is narcisstic abuse?
Being intimately involved with a narcissist wrecks havoc in relationships. Your partner's constant need to be centre of attention, their lack of empathy and need to control the agenda can lead to a one-sided dynamic where you feel neglected or manipulated. Your partner may dismiss your feelings, blame them for problems, gas-light (even calling you a narcissist and blaming you for their actions) or use emotional manipulation to maintain control. It can even sometimes lead to violence. You may feel invalidated and that you are always walking on eggshells to avoid conflict. This can lead to emotional exhaustion, anxiety, and a diminished sense of self-worth, overwhelm, confusion, trauma and even PTSD. All these factors may make it difficult to leave the relationship.
10 tips to help navigate narcissistic abuse
Set Firm Boundaries
There is limited chance to negotiate. Ignore inflammatory remarks
Keep Things Simple
When negotiating, be concise and focus on one topic at a time.
Mirror No Emotion
The Grey Rock method is to be as boring as possible to reduce interest
Keep friends close
Keep contact going with friends and family - don't let them all go.
Avoid Power Struggles
Fighting energises narcissists. So be non-reactive when engaging.
Prioritise Self Care
Keep believing in you. Get therapy to build your mental health.
Is it safe to leave a narcissist?
Leaving a narcissist can be difficult. The changing emotions, the manipulation and lies. Leaving a high coercive partner can be a confusing and dangerous time, especially if you have children. Violence can happen. Please plan this eventuality carefully with friends and family. When you leave a narcissist, managing expectations after a divorce is imperative. Contact with both parents will usually continue, as both parents have equal parenting rights.Having a divorce mentor by your side is invaluable to support you through child contact arrangments and life management.
